Just RELAX…
Okay, seriously, I can’t stand it when I hear someone say 'Just Relax.' Honestly, if I could, I would. The amount of fear and stress that consumes me is often unbearable, so telling me to just relax only stresses me out more. I know I need to relax, but the amount of cortisol rushing through my veins makes it nearly impossible for me to JUST RELAX.
When my heart starts racing and my hands begin to shake, my breathing gets shallow and faster. How in the world am I going to just relax? So telling me to just relax is as helpful as telling a fat guy to think skinny."
I do however believe that learning to relax our nervous system is extremely beneficial, but how? Start to learn how to put this ground tool into place, before the panic attack starts so that your body can feel safe and grounded.
The "5, 4, 3, 2, 1" grounding technique is a mindfulness exercise used to bring awareness to your surroundings and help ground yourself in the present moment. Here’s how you can explain each step:
Identify five things you can see:
This step encourages you to visually observe your environment. Look around and name five objects or details you can see. For example, you might see a desk, a window, a plant, a book, and a lamp.
Identify four things you can touch:
Now, focus on your sense of touch. Identify four things you can physically touch or feel around you. It could be the texture of your clothing, the smooth surface of a table, the warmth of sunlight on your skin, or the softness of a pillow.
Identify three things you can hear:
Shift your attention to your sense of hearing. Listen closely and identify three sounds you can hear in your environment. It might be the hum of a fan, birds chirping outside, people talking, or the ticking of a clock.
Identify two things you can smell:
Next, engage your sense of smell. Try to identify two distinct smells around you. It could be the aroma of coffee, fresh flowers, food cooking nearby, or the scent of soap.
Identify one thing you can taste:
Finally, bring awareness to your sense of taste. Identify one taste you can experience right now. This could be the lingering flavor of your last meal, a drink you've recently had, or even the taste of toothpaste if you've brushed your teeth recently.
The purpose of this exercise is to ground yourself in the present moment by actively engaging your senses. It can be especially helpful during moments of anxiety, stress, or when you feel disconnected from your surroundings. By focusing on what you can see, touch, hear, smell, and taste, you bring yourself into the here and now, promoting a sense of calm and mindfulness.
You are worth it, take time for yourself, hire a coach, go for a walk, and learn to breathe again, but do the work your mind, body and soul need. I’m here for you when you are ready to get started.
YOU ARE LOVED & YOU ARE SEEN.
Letter to my unborn child.
In the middle of my grieving process, as I was waiting to have surgery to remove the lifeless baby from my fallopian tube I wrote a letter. We were never able to find out the gender, but we named our baby HOPE because that's all we had. Often I look back on the words that pour out of my heart and onto these pages and am reminded of both the pain I was feeling and the sovereignty of our God.
The writing process was very therapeutic to the heart. It allowed you to connect to the emotions stored deep inside your soul that often escape unidentified in the form of tears, anger or doubt.
I know this season is challenging for you and the darkest days seem unbearable, but I want to remind you that in your brokenness the Lord is near. Please find time to write a letter to your unborn child, a child you lost or your spouse. Below is a letter I wrote to our child in the middle of my pain. This is a healthy and beneficial process. If you take time to write a letter Id love to hear about it. Send it to me at RuthieCody@yahoo.com
Here is mine.
Dear son or daughter,
Thank you for the time that we spent together. Thank you for allowing me to carry you inside my body for as long as possible. I’m so sorry we could not bring you into this world to join our family. We will always wonder what our life would have been if we didn’t have to say goodbye so soon.
I was never given the opportunity to officially say good bye and it causes an aching deep within my soul. Knowing I will never get the chance to whisper in your ear and tell you how much I love breaks my heart repeatedly. I was never able hold you in my arms, to kiss your sweet face and wipe away your tears and yet my heart still holds deep unexplainable love for you. A love unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. It’s hard to understand loving someone you have never met or longing for something you never had but the truth is the love of a mother never ceases.
I know it will take time for my body to physically heal from the surgery needed to remove your lifeless little body from mine. I carried you for 5 weeks after we found out your heart was not beating, as the doctors did everything they could to spare my body from having this surgery it came down to a life or death choice we had to make. It was a hard time, a scary time, and a time I’ll never forget.
It’s just hard to imagine what our life would have been if we were able to bring you home. We didn’t have the chance to give to you a name, but what you gave us was HOPE. We will rest and trust in that and know that we have hope in tomorrow. Hope is not gender specific, and is not selective on who can receive it. It is an opportunity for us to trust and have faith in the things we cannot understand. “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.”
Psalm 62:5 NIV
My heart hurts and I will always long for you my sweet baby in heaven! My hopes and dreams for you have been shattered and on this side of heaven, I will never know what your life could have been.
I want to tell you about your dad. I know you would have loved him. He would have played with you, taught you his classy dance moves and take you golfing with him on Sundays. He is very strong and holds our family together when it feels like the world is falling apart.
I take comfort in knowing that you are being held and love by our Lord & Savior. I’m sure heaven is a pretty cool place, some of my favorite people are already there.
Until we meet my sweet child we will hold you in our hearts.
In the middle of the grieving process as I was waiting to have surgery to remove the lifeless baby from my fallopian tube I wrote a letter. We were never able to find out the gender, but we named our baby HOPE because that is all I had.
This process is very therapeutic to the heart. It allowed me to connect to my child and feel like I was a mom for just a moment in time. I felt a deep love for my child even after I realized I would never get to bring my baby home.
I strongly encourage you to write a letter to SOMEONE….
To the child you are praying for
To the baby you lost
To your Husband
To your parents or grandparents
Below is the letter I wrote during my first miscarriage, it was an ectopic. During that time I was waiting for my baby to exit my body naturally, but that never happened. I ended up in an emergency surgery after two rounds of methotrexate. I was praying and talking to my baby every day. Writing this letter helped me accept what would never be and allow my heart to grieve. Please take the time to write.
You are loved and You are seen.
If you want to share what you write I would love to read it please email me at RuthieCody@yahoo.com
HOLD NOTHING BACK. Just write.
Dear son or daughter,
Thank you for the time that we spent together. Thank you for allowing me to carry you inside my body for as long as possible. I’m so sorry we could not bring you into this world to join our family. We will always wonder what our life would have been if we didn’t have to say goodbye so soon.
I was never given the opportunity to officially say good bye and it causes an aching deep within my soul. Knowing I will never get the chance to whisper in your ear and tell you how much I love breaks my heart repeatedly. I was never able hold you in my arms, to kiss your sweet face and wipe away your tears and yet my heart still holds deep unexplainable love for you. A love unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. It’s hard to understand loving someone you have never met or longing for something you never had but the truth is the love of a mother never ceases.
I know it will take time for my body to physically heal from the surgery needed to remove your lifeless little body from mine. I carried you for 5 weeks after we found out your heart was not beating, as the doctors did everything they could to spare my body from having this surgery it came down to a life or death choice we had to make. It was a hard time, a scary time, and a time I’ll never forget.
It’s just hard to imagine what our life would have been if we were able to bring you home. We didn’t have the chance to give to you a name, but what you gave us was HOPE. We will rest and trust in that and know that we have hope in tomorrow. Hope is not gender specific, and is not selective on who can receive it. It is an opportunity for us to trust and have faith in the things we cannot understand. “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.”
Psalm 62:5 NIV
My heart hurts and I will always long for you my sweet baby in heaven! My hopes and dreams for you have been shattered and on this side of heaven, I will never know what your life could have been.
I want to tell you about your dad. I know you would have loved him. He would have played with you, taught you his classy dance moves and take you golfing with him on Sundays. He is very strong and holds our family together when it feels like the world is falling apart.
I take comfort in knowing that you are being held and love by our Lord & Savior. I’m sure heaven is a pretty cool place, some of my favorite people are already there.
Until we meet my sweet child we will hold you in our hearts.
Infertility & Pregnancy Loss Groups Support
Twleve 12 Ministries is an amazing ministry if you’re in need of loving support and community….
“Have you experienced infertility, miscarriage, infant loss, or childlessness? We want to personally invite you to join our group to connect with other women who are also experiencing these same things. We were never meant to do life alone, so please consider joining us as we explore testimonies of women right here in our community, who have faced challenges with infertility, miscarriage, and childlessness.
Starting January 8th through Mid December we will meet Monday nights at 6:30 to hear stories of women who have faced some very difficult challenges. We will explore what their faith looked like and how they persevered when trials arose. We will have time for Q&A’s, prayer, laughter, connection and togetherness in this unwanted sisterhood of Hope.
If you have questions or would like to connect please reach out to at info@twelve12ministries.org”
Twelve 12 Ministries is a compassionate ministry dedicated to supporting women facing infertility, pregnancy loss, and childlessness. If you need a loving and supportive community, please reach out to us.
"Have you experienced infertility, miscarriage, infant loss, or childlessness? We warmly invite you to join our group to connect with other women who understand these challenges. Life is not meant to be faced alone, so we encourage you to consider joining us as we share testimonies from women in our community who have faced similar struggles.
Starting January 8th and running through mid-December, we will meet on Monday nights at 6:30. Together, we will hear stories of strength and faith from women who have persevered through difficult times. Our gatherings will include time for questions and answers, prayer, laughter, and meaningful connections within this sisterhood of hope.
If this group doesn't seem like the right fit for you, please reach out so we can connect you with our online group or a local community group. If your church doesn't currently have a group, you might consider starting one yourself.
For more information, please contact us at Ruthie.Cody@yahoo.com or click below to find a group near you.
Letting Go…
It all begins with an idea.
My unwanted mission field.
As this process unfolds I want you to know I am still clinging to the promises of GOD. I am currently “still pregnant” going on 9 weeks now. Our baby no longer has a heartbeat but is implanted in my Fallopian tube. I refuse to call my baby a mass or simply chock it up to a piece of tissue. This was our child and I’ll always call this peanut size mass my child; so please ignore my ignorance on this one. But I’m allowed.
I’m tired. I’m scared. I’m anxious.
We have been to the emergency room three different times now. During two of our ER visits I was given methotrexate, which is a chemo therapy drug used to stop cell reproduction.
Each time we rush to the ER the doctors remind me that this miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy is considered life-threatening and in the event of a tubal rupture I could DIE.
It is not easy comprehend these words. My mind goes blank. I can’t think, I can’t speak, I just walk around the house holding Oakley and wait for Spencer to get home and take us to the ER-where we sit for an average of 6 hours at a time. This is not fun... even more ‘not fun’ with a one year old.
Last night the doctor called and told us we needed to go to the ER again for the 4th time. My heart was unsettled. This whole thing has been enough. I’ve had my blood drawn over 15 times in the last 3 weeks. I’ve been given 2 rounds of Chemo, which resulted in me feeling sick, exhausted, & nauseous. I am scared and anxious. Yet all the while we are clinging to the promise of GOD and holding each other tight.
Let me set the record straight, I am not afraid to die. I know what is waiting on the other side. I want to meet my Savior, just not right now. I’m not ready to leave my family. I love them so much.
This week I felt like the Lord spoke directly to my heart & reminded me just HOW BIG HE IS. How much HE loves me, and to stay close to HIM. I have a healthy fear of GOD and He revealed that HE is so much bigger than I ever thought.
I know my words don’t sound like much and if someone said this to me I would simply agree and say “yes He is a Big God.” But the truth is I am completely in awe of just how BIG HE truly is in my life right now. This is like mission field BIG. You know that overwhelming love, joy, peace and fear of GOD you feel while on a mission trip?!? That is me right now. In the middle of this unwanted mission field I feel the PEACE of a BIG GOD!
Trust me the pain my body is feeling is horrible and my mind is unsettled and worried about my results. I want healing and closure but more than anything I wanted JESUS... and I’ve got it!
Dear Jesus,
I want to say thank you. Thank you for this baby you have given us. We appreciate the joy and excitement we felt when we found out. Thank you for the opportunity for us to share this news with our friends and family. Thank you for the ability to actually get pregnant without assistance... other than the hanky-panky of course. Thank you for allowing this ectopic pregnancy to remind us how truly fortunate we are. Thank you for allowing us to get pregnant naturally both times. Thank you for allowing us a successful labor and delivery with our daughter Oakley. Thank you for the amazing people you have placed in our life for such a time as this. Thank you for allowing me to have such amazing girlfriends, who check on me daily. Thank you for our prayer warriors who have interceded on our behalf. Thank you Lord for allowing us to experience this trial as it has drawn us closer to you and allowed us to cling to you the giver of life. Thank you for never leaving us. Thank you for this baby and all the lessons we have learned during this pregnancy. Thank you for loving us enough to allow us to walk through this trial with you. Thank you for speaking directly to each of us during this time.
Thank you God for the time I had with this baby and all I ask is that you would please receive this child back into your arms. Tonight I am letting go. I have set the baby free in my mind and heart... now I pray my body will do the same! Thank you, Lord. Please hold our baby tight until we meet again. Thank you for the gift of life and the ability to cherish it all the more.
We are letting go,
The Cody’s